Making a good choice when choosing a wife:

Making a good choice when choosing a wife:
"And marry those among you who are single (i.e., a man who has nowife and a woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the saalihoon(pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants(female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of HisBounty. And Allah is All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)." [al-Noor 24:32]
The head of the household must select a righteous and suitable wifebased on the following conditions described in various Ahaadeeth:
"A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, herbeauty or her religion. Choose the one who is religious, may yourhands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!" (Agreed upon).
"This world is all temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy inthis life is a righteous wife." (Reported by Muslim, 1468).
"Let every one of you have a thankful heart, a remembering tongue[remembering Allah] and a believing wife who will help him withregard to the Hereafter." (Reported by Ahmad, 5/282, and al-Tirmidhiand Ibn Maajah from Thawbaan. Sahih al-Jaami', 5231).
According to another report: "A righteous wife to help you with yourworldly and religious affairs is the best treasure anyone couldhave." (Reported by al-Bayhaqi. Sahih al-Jaami', 4285).
"Marry one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud before theother Prophets of your great numbers on the Day of Resurrection."(Reported by Ahmad. Sahih al-Irwa', 6/195).
"I advise you to marry virgins, for their wombs are more fresh, theirmouths are more sweet and they are more content with little."According to another report: "… and they are less likely to deceive."(Reported by Ibn Maajah. Al-Silsilah al-Sahih, 623).
Just as a righteous wife is one of the four elements of happiness, soa bad wife is one of the four elements of misery, as it says in theSahih hadeeth:
"One of (the elements of) happiness is a righteous wife, who when yousee her you feel pleased, and when you are away, you feel that youcan trust her with regard to herself and your property. And one of(the elements of) misery is a bad wife who when you see her, you feelupset, she keeps attacking you verbally, and when you are away, youdo not feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and yourproperty."
On the other hand, it is also essential to look at the situation ofthe prospective husband who is proposing marriage to the Muslimwoman, and to agree to his proposal in accordance with the followingconditions:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
"If there comes to you one with whose religion and character you arepleased, then marry your daughter [or sister, etc.] to him, otherwisethere will be fitnah and great corruption in the land."
All of the above must be achieved through asking the right questions,verifying facts, gathering information and checking sources, so thatthe home will not be corrupted or destroyed.
"The righteous man and righteous woman together will build arighteous home, because the vegetation of a good land comes forth(easily) by the Permission of its Lord, and that which is bad, bringsforth nothing but a little with difficulty…" [al-A'raaf 7:58}Striving to guide ones wife
If one's wife is righteous, this is a blessing indeed, and this isfrom the Bounty of Allah. If she is not that righteous, then it isthe duty of the head of the household to strive to guide her. Any ofthe following scenarios may apply:
A man may marry a woman who is not religious in the first place,because he himself is not religious at first, or he may have marriedher in the hope of guiding her, or under pressure from his relatives,for example. In these cases he must strive hard to guide her.
A man must also realize from the outset that guidance comes fromAllah, and that Allah is the One Who reforms people. One of Hisblessings to his slave Zakariya was, as He said (interpretation ofthe meaning):
"… and [We] cured his wife for him…"[al-Anbiya' 21:90].
This curing or reforming may have been physical or religious.Ibn `Abbaas said:
"She was barren and could not have children, then she had a child."
Ataa' said:
"She was harsh of tongue, and Allah reformed her."
There are various means of guiding or reforming ones wife, such as:
Paying attention to correcting her worship of Allah in all itsaspects, as will be discussed in detail below.Striving to strengthen her eemaan, such as:Encouraging her to pray at night (qiyaam al-layl)Encouraging her to read Qur'anEncouraging her to memorize adhikaar (remembrance of Allah) andremember the appropriate times and occasions for saying themEncouraging her to give charityEncouraging her to read useful Islamic booksEncouraging her to listen to useful Islamic cassettes that canincrease knowledge and strengthen eemaan – and continuing to supplyher with them.Choosing good, religious friends for her, with whom she can form tiesof sisterhood and have good conversations and purposeful visits.Protecting her from evil and blocking off all avenues for it to reachher, by keeping her away from bad companions and bad places.Creating an Atmosphere of Faith in the Home
Making the home a place for the remembrance of Allah
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
"The likeness of a house in which Allah is remembered and the housein which Allah is not remembered is that of the living and the dead,respectively."
We must make our homes places where Allah is remembered in all kindsof ways, whether in our hearts, verbally, during prayer, by readingQur'an, by discussing Islamic issues, or by reading different kindsof Islamic books.
How many Muslim homes nowadays are dead because there is noremembrance of Allah, as mentioned in the hadeeth. What must they belike when all that is heard therein is the music of Shaytan withinstruments and singing, and backbiting, slander and gossip?
What must they be like when they are filled with evil and sin, suchas the haram mixing of the sexes and wanton display between relativeswho are not mahram or with neighbors who enter the home?
How can the angels enter a home like this? Revive your homes with allkinds of dhikr, may Allah have mercy on you!

Shaikh Salih Al Munajjid